well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
