Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
