Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
last night I used snow as a chaser
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize