I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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