Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize