Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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