god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
