I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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