I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
