You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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