i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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