I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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