Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
