I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
