Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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