apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
