I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
