your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my sisters under your porch take her home
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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