I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
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I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
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If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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