Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Your cock deserves a montage
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
