Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
