Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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