Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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