So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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