he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
