This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
