ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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