Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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