We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
