glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
