I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
