OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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