She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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