Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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