My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
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matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
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That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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