so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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