you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
