My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
