mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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