Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
