if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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