I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
