Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
