At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
