Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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