in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Send help, water and tortillas.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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