rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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