Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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