she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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