Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
