I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Four minutes until I can fart!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
