did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
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Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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