I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
