I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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