can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
