Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
