In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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