hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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